We're Close to Meeting

Dear Honeybee,

I know we're close to meeting. Lots of things feel very different today. We've been in "labor" since Friday. At least that is what our midwife keeps telling me. But I have a feeling, that today, is the day that we get to meet. The day I finally get to hold you in my arms. I can't wait to look into your eyes. And kiss your sweet cheeks! Just thinking about it, makes me so excited!

Over the last 9 months, we've grown so close. We've been through so much! Your growth has been magical. I still remember the 1st time I felt you kick. I cried. I realized that you were really in my belly. Growing big and strong. It's been magical. Just all the new feelings. All of your kicks. And all of the love. We have so much love already. I feel like our bond is so strong!

It hasn't been an easy 9 months. I'd be lying if I said that. But together, we've made it through our pregnancy. You've been so strong for your Mommy. When I 1st found out about you, I was scared to death! How was I going to be a Mommy? What was going to happen? Would your Daddy be excited? And going through all that hard stuff, it's only made the 2 of us stronger. We've made it through all of those things. The 2 of us. We've started over. And I promise you, it's been all well worth it!

I'd do anything for you Charlotte. Anything in the world. I want you to have all the opportunities in life. I want you to be happy. And very healthy! To have a better life than me. I want all of those things for you. And I'll do my best to make your life a good one. A life that is fun, meaningful, and full of love.

Not only do I love you. But there are so many other people in our lives that love you too. All of your Mommy's friends. Mrs. G is already talking about how one day, you and her son are going to date. And get married. That scares your Mommy. But it's nice to see how my friends love you. All of us mommies, we're planning lots of play dates. I want you to have lots of close friends. To grow up in a community that loves you.

There are also 3 very special people in our lives. They're so excited to meet you. Your Uncle S, he just loves you. Everything about you, it makes him smile. You melt his heart. He's a big "manly man." But when he hears your heartbeat, sees your little face, or feels you kick, he just melts. He wants to protect you. And to provide for us. He wants to love us. And he even asked me if he could be your Daddy. We're still working on that. But I know, your Uncle S, he will always be in your life. He will love you like you are part of him. Because you are. You might not be his DNA, but you my dear baby girl, are part of his heart. And you now own his entire heart!

Then there are your Godparents. They love you more than I could ever imagine. They're always calling me. Checking on us. Making sure we're OK. Your Nono, he is always doing thoughtful things for us. Like your nursery at his house, helping me with our move, and with my job. He loves us. A lot!

Your Nana, she just amazing. She loves you with every ounce of her heart. That's one thing you're going to learn about her. She is very independent. And has everything in order. All of her life. But she loves with all of her heart. To the point were it makes her weak and vulnerable. But that's a good thing. Because you can never love too much. Or be loved too much! Your Nana does such thoughtful things for us. Sends us little presents. Writes us the perfect cards. I'm telling you, she loves you like you were hers.

That's why I picked your Nana and Nono to be your Godparents. They're strong people. Hardworking. But they love with all of their hearts. They're going to teach you so much in your life! And they have so much love to share with you. So much love!

We have so many people that love us. We might not have a family. In the traditional sense. But we have people that love us. We've made our own family. And we're going to be your family. The people you can depend on. We're going to love and protect you, for the rest of our lives!

You might not have a Daddy. In the traditional sense. But you have men that are going to help fill that void. Uncle S, he's the guy that I want you to love like a Daddy. He already loves you. He thinks of you as his daughter. He wants to protect you. Love you. And provide for you. In his eyes, the sun rises because of you. I'd have to agree.

My bestie and I, we've been through a lot in our 27 years. Lots of things. But we've always been there for each other. Always! I hope and pray that you have a friend just like her. Someone that you can always depend on. To be honest, I also pray that your Nana and Nono will one day get married. They're perfect for each other. And they have so much love to give each other. Maybe you can help me with that. We can come up with some sort of plan to "Seal the Deal." And maybe they'll have you a little playmate soon! :)

For the last 9 months, we've grown together. You've grown big and strong. And I've tried to grow as a person. And as a Mommy. I've taken all the classes. I've prepared for you. And I've loved you. Now Charlotte Madeleine Grace, I'm ready to meet you. So if 10/10/10 is meant to be your birthday, I'm ready for the ride. I'm ready to celebrate this day with you.

This is a special day. The date is special all on it's own. It's also your Nono's birthday. He'd be so excited to share his day with you! And my dear baby girl, it's special because it's the day we get to meet! I just know it. I know that by tonight, I will get to hold you for the very 1st time.

I just pray that your Uncle S will get back in time. He's trying his best. I pray that your Nana helps your Nono celebrate his big day. And I pray for a safe and healthy birth for you. I want my little girl to be healthy. And safe. And happy. Most of all, happy. That's important in life.

W and me are ready to meet you! We've spent months getting ready for this day. Preparing our home for you. Getting your nursery ready. We're ready to welcome you into our home, our lives, and our family. Most of all Charlotte, I'm ready to be your Mommy. I already love you so much. And I'm going to do all that I can to protect you. For your entire life. Baby girl, I'm ready to be your Mommy. Now all you have to do is come into our world. I love you baby girl! And I'm ready when you are!

Love,
Your Mommy

Week 41: Patients

Dear Honeybee,

Baby Girl, we're officially "7 days late." But I'm not at all worried. We've had 3 "Non-Stress Tests" this week. And during each one, you were doing amazing! Simply amazing! I got to hear your strong heartbeat. And I got to see your beautiful face this week. 3 times! Every time I see you, my heart melts. Yes, you do that to your Mommy!

Today, I got my membranes scraped after our normal appointment. It hurt. I'm not going to lie. And I started to have some strong contractions. But it is all worth it, if it helps you. Our contractions have almost stopped. It's been a couple of hours. But I feel different. Like this could be the weekend we meet. :)

On Monday and Wednesday, we got to hangout with Uncle S. He didn't want us to be alone. So he hung out with us. He made sure we ate lots of good food. We also managed to do some shopping. Because we went out for a long walk. And while we were walking, we found some nice Baby Shops. I can't wait to take you there when you're born!

Yes, your Uncle S is just spoiling you rotten! I'm sure that you have more clothes than you'll ever wear. And you have so many toys. I can't wait until you are big enough to play with them. The more shopping that I do, the more excited I am to meet you. Yes, Charlotte, your Mommy just can't wait to meet you!

W is also excited. I can tell. He knows something new is about to happen. He has been super close to us lately. Just snuggling with us. Sleeping with us in bed. Well, sleeping while your Mommy tries to sleep. This week, that's been really tough. But I'm trying. But I'm sure W is ready to meet you too. The 2 of you are still playing your games. He puts his cold nose on my belly, and you kick. He licks where you've kicked. And you kick again. It's so exciting to watch! :)

This week was also my last week of work. I only worked 2 days. But it was tough to get through those 2 days. I was so tired when I got home. So I'm thinking, that means that you are almost ready to be born. Now, we just get to relax. And wait for the day when we meet.

This week has been all about patients. I have to allow myself lots of time. I'm moving a lot slower. It's difficult to eat and sleep. But I'm trying. I'm trying really hard. It also takes me a really long time to get places. Because it's hard to walk. And I'm out of breath anytime that I'm moving or talking. But like I said before, it's all worth it. Just to see your beautiful face.

Every morning, I wake up wondering if this is the day. And I go to sleep every night, just starring at your bassinet. Dreaming about the day when you will sleep in there. When I can lay in my bed and watch you sleep. I'm very excited for that day to come!

But I've learned patients this week. I know that I have to wait. That only God knows when we are going to meet. That no matter how ready I am to meet you, you're just not ready to be born. It must be comfy inside! But your Mommy will have lots of patients. And I'll wait as long as I need to. Because I want you to be healthy and happy when you're born. Stay comfy as long as you need to baby girl!

Love,
Your Mommy

I Think She's Waiting

Yes, I think Charlotte is waiting. On purpose. You know, for next week. When S and Mr. Blue Eyes are in town for work. When my bestie is here to perform. I think Charlotte knows that they're all coming. And she doesn't want to come until everyone is here. To be here when she is born.

To be honest, I'd be comfortable with that too! I'd love to have S in the delivery room with me. Because he's been my main coach. S has gone with me to all of my classes. He's been amazing. I know he would be a great coach. But he's working. He has a job that he can't get away from. But next week, he'd be here. In town.

And I would really LOVE to have my bestie with me. She works in L&D. And has delivered babies. I'd love for her to be here with me. To help me with my labor and delivery. To be a coach. And to give me advice during my labor. Wouldn't it be neat to have Charlotte's Godparents here for her birth? To have them hear her 1st cries. And to see her during her first few moments of life.

Is that selfish of me? To want my friends here. I have no family here. I have a few casual friends here. But no one that I'm close to. I don't want to be alone on this important day. I want for my little girl to come into the world, surrounded by all the people that love her. The people that she's going to grow to love too. Maybe we're both just waiting until next week. H

Mixed Emotions

I know I've been really emotional this week. Well, for the last few weeks. But watching this video, it made me both very sad and very happy.

Sad for Charlotte. Because she won't get to have these precious moments, with her Daddy. Chris is amazing with Chloe. I just wish T would feel this way about Charlotte. She won't get to feel the love from her Daddy. And to spend that much needed Daughter-Daddy time together. I know it's hard. Because that's how I grew up.

But this video also makes me happy and excited. Just watching Chloe makes me excited. Excited to watch my little girl grow! I can't wait to play with her. To watch her sucking her thumb. Or even just watching her sleep. I'm so excited for Charlotte to be here.

Although there are so many other things going on, it's the love for my daughter that has me going. Knowing that in a few days, I will have her to hold and love, it makes all of this worth it! All of it. Not sleep. All the discomforts of pregnancy. The stress with T and our divorce. My Baby Girl makes it all worth while! Now all I have to do, is what for her to be ready. I LOVE you Charlotte! H

Pregnancy and Sex

Today I had my 1st official "Post-term, non-stress test." We're not any closer to delivery than I was last week. Or a month ago for that matter. But Charlottte and I are doing really well. We're both perfectly healthy and on track. But I'm 3 days past my due date. Which isn't a lot. At least that is what my doctor told me. And I have 11 more days until I can be induced...

So both my midwife and my doctor gave me a long list of suggestions. Most of which, I've already been doing. You know, spicy food, long walks, teas, different herbs, etc. I've been trying them all. Nothing is working. My contractions aren't anywhere near regular and constant. I actually had more contractions last week.

The only thing on these lists that I haven't tried is sex. And both of these women keep encouraging it. I do believe that my doctor told me that if she could prescribe it, she would. And my midwife told me to "go have some fun."

The problem is, there is no one in my life. Not in that kind of romantic sense. I'm in the middle of a divorce. My hubby, he can't stand me. He doesn't want our daughter. S, well he's my friend. Would he do it if I asked? I'm positive that he would. Being that he always wants to help me. And he likes to take care of Charlotte and me. Oh, and he wants us to date. But I'm not going there. I can't screw up another friendship. Not right now.

And I'm not comfortable with myself. Not with my body. I'm big. I haven't seen my feet in, I don't know how long. My breasts are 3 sizes larger than normal. I lose my breath walking to my car. And my medical professionals want me to have sex. Don't they understand that the night I got pregnant, that was the last time. I was with my hubby.

Now I'm alone. To deal with all of this. Being overdue and uncomfortable. Being somewhat frustrated with my body. I'm not scared of raising my daughter alone. I'm scared that I'm never going to go into labor. And the only thing that people tell me to do, I can't do. Because seriously, who would have sex with me? I'm 9 months pregnant. And not feeling a bit attractive. I'm hoping that the 5 mile walk, that S and I took tonight, I hope that helps. If not, I might be pregnant for another 9 months! H

I Can't Wait

I watched this video today. I kind of scared myself. You know with all the pain that is in my near future. But it was nice to watch a "real" labor. You know what I mean? I watched lots of videos in all the classes that I took. But this seems more real. And it was amazing to watch this mom with her baby girl. The baby just knew how to feed immediately. I can't wait until Charlotte's delivery! I know that sounds crazy. But I'm ready to meet my litte girl. :)

I just don't think I'll be that, well comfortable with my body though. You know to lay there completely naked for all to see. I might scare away my 3 birthing coaches. And that is the last thing I want to do. But I applaud this lady for being so comfortable with herself, to post this video. It has helped to calm some of my fears. H

T Makes Me Sad

Today we went to Court. Again. I know. It feels unreal. Like this is a broken record or something. The judge is so fed up with T. But T almost demanded that we have a Court date today. 2 days before my due date. Yes, I waddled to Court. S came with me. And I'm so glad! I needed the support. It was a tough day!

T doesn't want to be Charlotte's dad. He wants no DNA test. He wants nothing to do with our sweet Baby Girl. Nothing. It makes me so sad. Yes, T told the judge that he wants to sign over all "Parental Rights" to me. T doesn't want to be a father to our daughter.

But like I said, the judge is fed up with my husband. And he has left it all up to me. I can (A) leave T's name off of Charlotte's Birth Certificate. Which would mean that T would not be held responsible for anything. I could never ask for Child Support. Essentially, my daughter wouldn't have a dad. But as far as that goes, T has already made that decision. (B) I can put T's name on Charlotte's Birth Certificate. Then I can "accept" his petition to forfeit all rights to our daughter. So Charlotte would know who her dad is. But he wouldn't have any rights or responsibilities.Or (C) I can put T's name on Charlotte's Birth Certificate and "not accept" his petition. We'd have to have a DNA test. And T would have to pay child support. He'd be responsible for his daughter. And if he wanted, he could seek some visitation rights.

I don't know what to do. I want my daughter to know her father. I really do. I wish that he would wake up. I see him with Baby M. He's so loving to her. Why can't he be that way with Charlotte? But I don't want to force something that's not there. Because that wouldn't be good for Charlotte. I know. I've been there. I was forced to see my dad. Who was horrible. Until I was old enough to say I didn't want to live through that anymore.

I'm more than willing to support my daughter. That's why I've worked so hard now that I'm pregnant. I've been the one to buy everything that she needs. Including our home. I'm taking care of her. And I will continue too. I'll continue to work. I don't care what I have to do. I will take care of my daughter. So I'm not looking at this from the financial side of things.

The judge didn't want to hear my decision. Not until Charlotte is born. Pretty much like our divorce. Nothing will be finalized until after Charlotte is born. It makes me so sad. My husband and I should be happy right now. We should be excited about becoming parents. About this precious baby girl I have growing inside of me. We shouldn't be arguing. We shouldn't be getting divorced. It feels unreal.

Before we even got married, T and I would talk about growing up in "Broken Homes." And how much we didn't want our kids to grow up like that. We didn't want them to be in the middle of fights. T wanted to be a dad so bad! We talked about babies, before we ever talked about marriage. And almost right after we got married, T really wanted a baby. I know that's why my miscarriage was such a tough time for us. Our 1st baby wasn't planned. But loved so much, when we did find out. It ripped both of our hearts out when we lost our baby.

Now our lives are such a mess. We fight over everything. I don't want nothing from T. I just want to be divorced. To put this mess behind us. To focus on our daughter. If he doesn't want to be around, I don't want to force him. But I want my daughter to be able to know her older sister, Baby M. I want them to have a good relationship. To be able to be loving sisters. I want Charlotte to one day know, that I tried everything I could, to make her life better.

After my miscarriage, I was in shock. I blamed myself. Then T resented me. Things went downhill quickly. But we wanted to fix our problems. We started counseling. I thought we were on track. I wanted to work this out. Because T and I were only married just over 13 weeks. 13 weeks of bliss, before our world fell apart.

I never knew what else he was doing. That while I was trying to make our marriage work, he was sleeping with his ex-girlfriend. That he was dating another woman on top of that! That he was expecting another baby. I never knew that. If I did, maybe things would have been different.

But this is where our lives are. Trying to decide what to do with life. I don't care about the money that T has to pay me. How our joint assets are to be separated. Or any kind of material situation. I just want a divorce. I want to get on with my life. And I want a happy and healthy daughter.

I want Charlotte to have a good relationship with her dad. But that is up to T. There is nothing I can do to fix this. I know that there is nothing left to fight for in my marriage. It's over. But my daughter deserves better. She deserves a dad that loves her. That wants to spend time with her. But if he doesn't want it, I'm glad he decided now. Before she is born. Before she grows dependent of him. Before a relationship is built. Before she can be hurt.

Everything about T hurts. It all hurts now. It hurts that he left me. That he lied to me. That he cheated on me. It hurts that he calls me horrible names. And tells me that he wished that Charlotte would never have been created. T tells me the cruelest things that you could imagine. My husband was supposed to love me forever. We were supposed to have a family together. And grow old. Now, he can't stand to be anywhere near me. But it kills me that he doesn't want to be Charlotte's daddy.

I expected more of T. There are 2 innocent baby girls here. Baby M and Charlotte. I want them to have a loving daddy. To have a man that steps up to the plate. A man that is responsible and loving. These little girls deserve to be loved. They deserve a good daddy.

But I'm learning that I can't control these things. I clearly can't control T. It kills me that Charlotte will never get to sleep on her daddy's chest. Or that he won't be there to teach her all sorts of things. Like how to fish or play with W. That there will never be love that is shared between them. Charlotte will never get to see the side of T that I fell in love with. The caring and loving man. The man that takes care of you when you're sick. That gently kisses your head as you're falling asleep. My daughter will never know those things. She'll never get to reach out for her daddy or kiss his cheek.

T will never kiss her boo boos. He'll never put her to sleep. He won't be protective of his daughter. He won't comfort her when she's upset. Or just love her because she is his daughter. Charlotte will never smile when T walks into a room. Because she won't know him. But this is T's decision. Not mine. Not Charlotte's. Only T's. One day, he will regret this. When Charlotte is calling another man, Daddy. It will be then, that he will feel that tug at his heart. And it's then, that he will have to explain to Charlotte why he walked away. H

Dinner for S

My friend S had a tough day yesterday. And I wanted to do something to cheer him up. Every Monday, S comes over for dinner. He drives over 3 hours to come visit me. One way! When I get home from work, he is sitting on my porch waiting for me. S always brings dinner, and usually something for Charlotte. Then he helps me with different projects around my house.

S is a great guy! He had a tough day yesterday. A really tough day. I wanted to do something special for him. Like cook him dinner. You know, instead of him buying something. So I'm planning on making this. Doesn't it look good? And it looks pretty easy. Something that I can't mess up. :)

Now I just need to go to work. And try and get off early. So that I can get to the grocery store. And hopefully have dinner ready for S. I told him not to worry about anything this week. Let's hope I can get it all done. H

My Amazing Sister-in-Law

I really do have an amazing sister-in-law. I first met her on my wedding day. Just after becoming Mrs. M. C was always so happy that I was part of her family. She Welcomed me with open arms. And C and I became fast and good friends, during the 3 months of "Wedded Bliss" that T and I shared.

After T and I separated, C and I still remained close. I know it was hard for her. She felt like she was having to choose between the 2 of us. I tried to make it easy for her. But T made it really difficult for her.

No matter what, C and I are close. And she's been amazing. Especially when I found out I was pregnant with Charlotte. She was my shoulder when I found out everything about T. And when I decided to get divorced. It's been tough. And C has been right here at my side.

C has also showered Charlotte and I with gifts during my pregnancy. At least twice a month, I get a package from her. With cute baby clothes and toys. And she always puts something inside for me. For our Baby Shower, it wasn't any different. C bought me 2 dresses and some jewelry. :)

I LOVE the color of

this dress! It's also so comfy! This dress will be nice to wear for work and church too! And it's only $25 at Target. :)

Don't you just love the flower pattern of this dress? I also really like the colors! It's another super comfy dress. This one is $30.

Thank you C! You're amazing! This was so unexpected. But such a nice thing for you to do. I love everything you bought for Charlotte and me. I'm so glad Charlotte has an amazing Auntie like you. I just wish we could spend more time together. H

Scared

All of a sudden, I'm scared. About giving birth. With all these classes I'm taking, videos I've watched, and stuff I've read...I'm starting to freak out!

It just makes me wonder. How does your body get ready for birth? I'm already feeling Charlotte drop. It's already making walking difficult. And I still have at least 3 weeks to go. I hear, I can be pregnant for another 5 weeks! What? 42 weeks pregnant...

But I'm also scared out of my mind! Because I'm sitting here wondering how my baby girl is going to come out of me. I've never seen a "live" birth. Um, how does your body do this? How do you stretch enough for a baby to come out?

I remember when I started my period, my mom wouldn't let me use a tampon. She said it would hurt. Because I was young. And I wasn't "big enough down there" for a tampon. What? Ya, that's what she said. How "big" do you have to be to use a tampon? I just thought she was nuts! I'm pretty sure I was right about that too.

Then when I was a young teen, she told me that sex was horrible. That it would hurt like hell. That only guys enjoyed it. Um. This is the same crazy lady that had a trunk of "goodies" when she started dating my step-dad.

Again, my mom was wrong. Sex didn't necessarily hurt the first time. But she did tell me that nothing in the world is worse than childbirth. Uh oh. I think she might actually be right about this. But again, I'm not sure. 2 of 3...she was wrong. I think she was just trying to scare me. Childbirth is different from everything else she told me about though. Because all of those things, went "in." My daughter will be coming out...

I think I need to stop thinking about all of these things. Because it's just freaking me out! Millions of women give birth every year. And they survive. I'm going to too. Our bodies are built for this. I just need to stop thinking about it. Baby Charlotte and I are going to be OK. We're going to be healthy, and her birth is going to go smoothly. H

My Baby Angel

Dear Baby Angel,

It's been 1 year since God called you home. I still feel bad that we never met. I still have this empty place in my heart. I never got to hold you and kiss you. Your Daddy didn't find out about you, until you had already been called home. It crushed us both. Because no matter how much we love you, we can't have you back.

I still think about you. Every day. I LOVE you more than words can even say. You make every part of my heart overflow with love, and shatter at the same time. That's how much I love you. For whatever reason, God needed you more in heaven, than we needed you on earth.

These things, I'm finally realizing. Maybe your Mommy is just learning. Learning from all of her mistakes. Learning to put God ahead of herself. Yes, you were one of the most important and valuable reasons that I started going to church again. Because I want to be better. A better person. I want to be a better Mommy to you. And to your little sister Charlotte.

Did you know? Your Mommy is going to have a baby girl in October. I'm sure you know this already. I just pray that you help her to grow strong and stay healthy and safe. I love you both so much! And I've never met either of you. I know that I love you because your my little girls. But I also love you because your Daddy and I made the 2 of you out of so much love. :)

I know things haven't gone well. But it's neither of your faults. Believe me. Your Mommy has been through a lot in her life. She knows these things. It's not your fault. We both love you so much! And I'm just so relieved that God has a special place for you in his Kingdom.

Just know that your Mommy loves you more than words can say. More than I really can understand myself. Yes, I LOVE you that much!!! I hope you are happy. And dancing around. Baby all I ever wanted for you, was the best out of life. And God knew it. I know that is why he took you. He had more amazing plans for you. Something bigger than life.

On this anniversary, I will try not to cry too much. But I will be thinking of you all day long. Because that's what Mommys do. They love their babies. With all of their heart! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

Love,
Your Mommy

I Should Learn How to Cook Like This...

Really, I don't know how to cook. Not very much. And not well. In fact, I'm pretty sure the one time I really attempted a big dinner for me and my hubby, I got us sick. I don't think I cooked the chicken all the way...

But these 2 videos give me a little hope. And around here, well Southern food is a must! I just don't know how to cook...





And now that I have an appetite again, I think I really need to start learning how to cook. Before I know it, I'll be a mommy. And my little girl will be depending on me to cook for her. I really want her to eat better than I did as a kid. I was pretty much raised on fast food and frozen food. Not good!

I don't think I'll start with this recipe. But I'm really going to focus on learning how to cook. At least by the time my daughter is old enough, I should know how to cook something. Something that tastes decent, and is somewhat healthy. :) H

Starting Over

Today is the day. After S and Blue Eyes had to work yesterday, it was an unusual week, they're helping me move today. I'm sad. I'm sad to be leaving all my friends behind. My job. I really have grown to love it so much! I'm sad to be moving so far away. But I'm also excited. This is going to be amazing for me and my baby. A new beginning. A new home. Just a new start at a new life.

We're moving today. I'm getting out on my own. I'm going to own my own home. And I'm creating a life for me and my baby. My family. It's exciting. It's scary. It's a whole mess of emotions. But I'm so excited! I'm just glad that my friends could be here to help me. :) H

Shamrock Shake

Where are you? I'm craving you! None of our local McD's have them this year! What in the world is going on? I keep checking all of the websites, and there is not a McD's anywhere near here with this delicious green drinks!

McD's what's going on? I think these need to be sold everywhere. OK, I don't think they should, I KNOW they should! I would give almost anything to taste that yummy green, frozen goodness! H

Ice Cream Makes It All Better

The last few days have been tough. I've cried. I've been so excited! And also so sad. This isn't how this was supposed to be. But it's the way my life is going. And I've felt so sick! The constant rain really reflected how I was feeling too!

In my hour of need, a good friend came to check on me. S has just been here for me. And I know he'll be here for my little Honeybee. I just need to be honest. Well, I NEED to tell T first. Then I can tell other people. Like my bestie, my boss, and S.

I know I've been really out of it lately. Sick and exhausted. Now I know why. It's been 3 days since I got a positive pregnancy test. And it's good news. But I'm scared. What is T going to do? Or think. I mean, we never really worked through all of our problems. Now we're expecting a baby.

But my friend came to see me. We ended up going out for some Rocky Road ice cream. :) I really needed that! And I honestly felt better. Funny how ice cream can do that to a gal! But it felt good just to get out and laugh for a little while. Things have been so stressful around here. And everywhere I go, I see T. Even if we're not really talking. Because we work for the same company.



It's tough. But the ice cream and the company really did cheer me up! Is that weird? I know. It doesn't make up for me and T not talking. But I really needed a few hours of happiness. And lots of laughter! Like I said, ice cream just seems to cure so much! So does a few hours of good, hard laughing. :) H