Thursday, April 29, 2010

Oh Marriage

Pretty much T and I's marriage has been a total disaster. We were married in February 2009. By June we were separated. And by September, we were legally separated and I had moved out. It's been bad. Then out of the ashes of our marriage, I find out that I'm pregnant. It's a blessing. At least for me.

T, he's going through a lot of crap right now. Most, if not all, is by his own making. But instead of focusing that anger on the person that causes it, he focuses it all on me. It saddens me. A lot. My heart is broken. I do still love him. But I refuse to stay with him if he's going to treat me this way. I want for my child to grow up with 2 loving parents. Not in the middle of a war, like I did.

So we're divorcing. At least that's what I've been trying to do. But T refuses to sign the papers. But he also refuses to talk to me. He won't accept our child. But he'll except the child of his ex-girlfriend. He doesn't want to be married, but he doesn't want to be divorced. What the hell does this man want?

This T, is not the same man I fell in love with. That man was fun, caring, and loving. We would look out for one another in life. We wanted to be together. He taught me things I thought I'd never learn. And he made me feel safe and loved. Now, I just feel sad when I'm around him. And I feel sad when we're apart.

Especially when I go to my doctor appointments. I tried setting them up when he could come. But he refused to come. He refused to believe that he was expecting 2 children, from 2 women, at the same time. Believe me, it still makes me sick to think of the facts. But the truth of the matter is, this is our baby.

So what were our vows again...Love, Honor...

I hope one day that T and I can get this straightened out. I never wanted to bring any sadness or negativity to our lives or to this blog. This blog was to document our blessing. And to try and mend fences. For the sake of our child. The child that didn't ask to come into this world. But the child that we made together. We probably won't make it as a couple, but I hope at the end of the day, we can still Love, Honor, and Respect each other. H

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