Thursday, June 3, 2010

My Baby Angel

Dear Baby Angel,

It's been 1 year since God called you home. I still feel bad that we never met. I still have this empty place in my heart. I never got to hold you and kiss you. Your Daddy didn't find out about you, until you had already been called home. It crushed us both. Because no matter how much we love you, we can't have you back.

I still think about you. Every day. I LOVE you more than words can even say. You make every part of my heart overflow with love, and shatter at the same time. That's how much I love you. For whatever reason, God needed you more in heaven, than we needed you on earth.

These things, I'm finally realizing. Maybe your Mommy is just learning. Learning from all of her mistakes. Learning to put God ahead of herself. Yes, you were one of the most important and valuable reasons that I started going to church again. Because I want to be better. A better person. I want to be a better Mommy to you. And to your little sister Charlotte.

Did you know? Your Mommy is going to have a baby girl in October. I'm sure you know this already. I just pray that you help her to grow strong and stay healthy and safe. I love you both so much! And I've never met either of you. I know that I love you because your my little girls. But I also love you because your Daddy and I made the 2 of you out of so much love. :)

I know things haven't gone well. But it's neither of your faults. Believe me. Your Mommy has been through a lot in her life. She knows these things. It's not your fault. We both love you so much! And I'm just so relieved that God has a special place for you in his Kingdom.

Just know that your Mommy loves you more than words can say. More than I really can understand myself. Yes, I LOVE you that much!!! I hope you are happy. And dancing around. Baby all I ever wanted for you, was the best out of life. And God knew it. I know that is why he took you. He had more amazing plans for you. Something bigger than life.

On this anniversary, I will try not to cry too much. But I will be thinking of you all day long. Because that's what Mommys do. They love their babies. With all of their heart! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

Your Mommy

No comments: