Now that I know I'm having a little girl, I want to get her all kinds of girly things. But everything costs so much! And I'm a single Mommy here. With a new house payment. So I really wish I could make these hair bows.
This lady makes them look super easy! But I'm just not that crafty. I've tried. I went through 2 spools of ribbon. The bows look horrible. I guess I have to start paying the $10 for a single bow! Maybe I should practice some more. H
I honestly hadn't thought of a bassinet. I mean, I had looked at them. But they didn't seem practical. I never thought that I'd be buying one. Or that we'd really need one. I figured Charlotte could sleep with me until she was a few months old. Then, she could sleep in her crib.
I got a Moses basket from a friend. And I thought that would be nice to use in the 1st few weeks. You know, while we maybe sat in the living room for a few minutes. But a bassinet, or a co-sleeper, I never thought about it.
That "missing side" is like that, so it can fit against your bed.
And if you want to use it as bassinet, you can put up the sides.
It's absolutely beautiful! S immediately got it together. And put it next to my bed. Something about it, made me feel like this entire pregnancy was real. Like this little bassinet, really made my baby girl real. :)
I just keep looking at it. It's right here on my side. I'm in bed right now. And I can't help but smile. In about 3 1/2 months, I'll have my little girl. Right here, sleeping next to me. It's so exciting! H
This seriously looks good! How did I find this video? I still have no clue. But this chocolate coated popcorn looks amazing! I don't have any of these ingredients in my house. Remember I'm trying to be healthy? Well, I might just have to go grocery shopping. I really want some chocolate popcorn. :) H
I recently found these Diapees. I was looking for some Baby Shower presents. So many of my friends are expecting this year! I just think these cases are so cute! And they're only $15.
I really like this one. It's cute. I like the colors. Girly, but fun! And not too babyish. It's stylish and fun! :)
And this one, it's so sophisticated. I just love the print of this one. I think if I had seen it sooner, I might have done Charlotte's nursery in this fabric. It would have been so cute! And something that she could have grown into.
But I really like these Diapees. I need to place some orders soon. For my friends. And I really want 1 or 2 for myself. A perfect way to throw a few diapers in my purse. H
I'm so excited! I found a Daycare. The perfect place. Literally, it's down the road from my job. Which is great! Since I'm going to be breastfeeding. That means I can spend my lunch breaks with my little girl. Feeding her. :)
And the people at the Daycare are amazing! So sweet. And really good with the kids. There are only 2 babies to 1 care giver. I think that is incredible. The Daycare is super clean. And honestly, it's a beautiful place. I feel really comfortable with having Charlotte there.
And I completely lucked out. Because a few days before I went to look into this Daycare, a family with 3 kids, moved. It just happened that I went for a tour on their last day. And the owner was there. She was beyond thrilled that I work down the road. And that I want to breastfeed and cloth diaper.
2 days later, I got the call. That we had gotten in! I'm really excited. And it's not one of those crazy, overly expensive places. But it's clean. Really clean. I think this is going to be so good for Charlotte. Hopefully when she starts preschool and kindergarten it will be as smooth. We're on waiting lists for both. Yes, it's that crazy here! H
It's been 1 year since I miscarried T and I's 1st baby. We didn't even know about our baby. Until it was too late. I found out I was pregnant the day before. While T was away working. And I took a test. Because I was curious. I had been feeling really tired. Despite our recent vacation. And it was positive! And I wanted to wait to tell my hubby in person.
That night when he called, I didn't let on. Because I didn't want him to know. Not yet anyways. That was the single worst mistake of my life! But I thought, in 2 days, I'd see him. And I'd tell him. We hadn't planned on baby so quickly after we got married. But most blessings come when you least expect them. So I was excited!
In the middle of the night, I started to not feel well. I wasn't sure what was wrong. But I laid in bed. Trying to sleep. But I felt horrible. Our dog, W, he just laid really close to me. Like he knew something was wrong. The next morning, I miscarried our baby.
I had to call an ambulance. Because I was bleeding so much. No one was around. My friends were all gone. My hubby was gone. Everyone was gone working. And I didn't know what to do...
I remember how cold and alone I felt at the hospital. All I wanted to do was call T. But he doesn't have a "regular 9-5" kind of job. He can't really call in sick. That left me unsure of what to do. I stayed in the hospital for 2 days. The night I was supposed to fly to meet T, I called him. I just told him that I didn't feel well. And I was going to stay home that weekend.
He was concerned. He felt bad. T wanted to come and check on me. But he had to be in PA. He thought that maybe our recent trip to FL had just got me tired. And he thought I needed my rest. I stayed home. Instead of flying to PA. And when he got back in the middle of the night that Sunday, I didn't want to talk...
It turns out, he saw some of the blood. In the bathroom. He didn't know what had happened. I think he was scared to ask. And he didn't want to bother me. Or upset me. So he left.
I didn't know what to tell my hubby that night. How do you explain that you miscarried your baby? How do you tell him that you kept the pregnancy from him? Be it just a few hours before miscarrying. I didn't know how to talk to him. And he just left me alone. For weeks, he stayed with various friends. And when we were around each other, all we did was fight.
T started drinking a lot. And doing a lot of stupid things. I found out months later about this. His friends weren't talking to him. We were barely communicating. And I felt bad. But I didn't really know how to talk to him. What would he say? On July 31st, I moved out.
In my heart, I knew that I had lost my husband. Something was different. He didn't want to be around me. And when I did tell him about the miscarriage, he blamed it all on me. Like I had done it on purpose. Like I was the one that was trying to hurt him. I couldn't get over that. And it wasn't T. He wasn't like this. Where was all this anger coming from?
We tried for months to reconcile. And until February, I thought we might be able to work through this. Well, I guess I was wrong. In so many ways. Because I really thought we could get our marriage back on the right track. We'd have date nights. Spend time together. Do little things like that. So much so, I wasn't as careful as I should have been. And we made our precious little girl on Christmas night...
On January 24, 2010 we should have become parents for the 1st time. From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I thought I was having a little girl. For months, I dreamt about a little girl. A little angel. I know she's in heaven. And I pray every night for her. I also hope that she is looking out for her little sister. Because Charlotte is going to need all the love she can get.
So much has happened in the last year. 1 year ago, my life was completely different. I had been happy. I was in love. I was a Newlywed! Counting the days until our "Honeymoon in Paradise." I had so many plans for T and I. I just knew that one day, we'd have kids. We'd be better parents than ours had been to us.
Now, I'm single. Pregnant. And trying to get a divorce. I'll always love my first baby. With all of my heart. She was made with so much love. A love that her parents had for each other. During such a happy time in their lives. What happened afterward, was never her fault. But I will never forget my little angel in the sky. H
It's been 1 year since God called you home. I still feel bad that we never met. I still have this empty place in my heart. I never got to hold you and kiss you. Your Daddy didn't find out about you, until you had already been called home. It crushed us both. Because no matter how much we love you, we can't have you back.
I still think about you. Every day. I LOVE you more than words can even say. You make every part of my heart overflow with love, and shatter at the same time. That's how much I love you. For whatever reason, God needed you more in heaven, than we needed you on earth.
These things, I'm finally realizing. Maybe your Mommy is just learning. Learning from all of her mistakes. Learning to put God ahead of herself. Yes, you were one of the most important and valuable reasons that I started going to church again. Because I want to be better. A better person. I want to be a better Mommy to you. And to your little sister Charlotte.
Did you know? Your Mommy is going to have a baby girl in October. I'm sure you know this already. I just pray that you help her to grow strong and stay healthy and safe. I love you both so much! And I've never met either of you. I know that I love you because your my little girls. But I also love you because your Daddy and I made the 2 of you out of so much love. :)
I know things haven't gone well. But it's neither of your faults. Believe me. Your Mommy has been through a lot in her life. She knows these things. It's not your fault. We both love you so much! And I'm just so relieved that God has a special place for you in his Kingdom.
Just know that your Mommy loves you more than words can say. More than I really can understand myself. Yes, I LOVE you that much!!! I hope you are happy. And dancing around. Baby all I ever wanted for you, was the best out of life. And God knew it. I know that is why he took you. He had more amazing plans for you. Something bigger than life.
On this anniversary, I will try not to cry too much. But I will be thinking of you all day long. Because that's what Mommys do. They love their babies. With all of their heart! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!
I joined Polyvore recently. It's kinda fun just to play around on there. It's like adult paper dolls. No lie! I can see myself killing some major time playing. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. But it does make me want to go shopping a lot more...
What do you think? Anyway, you can find me here. I was just looking for something fun. I'm trying to get more into fashion and all that fun stuff. I really like seeing my bestie. Because she has so much style. Maybe this will help me. :)