We're Close to Meeting

Dear Honeybee,

I know we're close to meeting. Lots of things feel very different today. We've been in "labor" since Friday. At least that is what our midwife keeps telling me. But I have a feeling, that today, is the day that we get to meet. The day I finally get to hold you in my arms. I can't wait to look into your eyes. And kiss your sweet cheeks! Just thinking about it, makes me so excited!

Over the last 9 months, we've grown so close. We've been through so much! Your growth has been magical. I still remember the 1st time I felt you kick. I cried. I realized that you were really in my belly. Growing big and strong. It's been magical. Just all the new feelings. All of your kicks. And all of the love. We have so much love already. I feel like our bond is so strong!

It hasn't been an easy 9 months. I'd be lying if I said that. But together, we've made it through our pregnancy. You've been so strong for your Mommy. When I 1st found out about you, I was scared to death! How was I going to be a Mommy? What was going to happen? Would your Daddy be excited? And going through all that hard stuff, it's only made the 2 of us stronger. We've made it through all of those things. The 2 of us. We've started over. And I promise you, it's been all well worth it!

I'd do anything for you Charlotte. Anything in the world. I want you to have all the opportunities in life. I want you to be happy. And very healthy! To have a better life than me. I want all of those things for you. And I'll do my best to make your life a good one. A life that is fun, meaningful, and full of love.

Not only do I love you. But there are so many other people in our lives that love you too. All of your Mommy's friends. Mrs. G is already talking about how one day, you and her son are going to date. And get married. That scares your Mommy. But it's nice to see how my friends love you. All of us mommies, we're planning lots of play dates. I want you to have lots of close friends. To grow up in a community that loves you.

There are also 3 very special people in our lives. They're so excited to meet you. Your Uncle S, he just loves you. Everything about you, it makes him smile. You melt his heart. He's a big "manly man." But when he hears your heartbeat, sees your little face, or feels you kick, he just melts. He wants to protect you. And to provide for us. He wants to love us. And he even asked me if he could be your Daddy. We're still working on that. But I know, your Uncle S, he will always be in your life. He will love you like you are part of him. Because you are. You might not be his DNA, but you my dear baby girl, are part of his heart. And you now own his entire heart!

Then there are your Godparents. They love you more than I could ever imagine. They're always calling me. Checking on us. Making sure we're OK. Your Nono, he is always doing thoughtful things for us. Like your nursery at his house, helping me with our move, and with my job. He loves us. A lot!

Your Nana, she just amazing. She loves you with every ounce of her heart. That's one thing you're going to learn about her. She is very independent. And has everything in order. All of her life. But she loves with all of her heart. To the point were it makes her weak and vulnerable. But that's a good thing. Because you can never love too much. Or be loved too much! Your Nana does such thoughtful things for us. Sends us little presents. Writes us the perfect cards. I'm telling you, she loves you like you were hers.

That's why I picked your Nana and Nono to be your Godparents. They're strong people. Hardworking. But they love with all of their hearts. They're going to teach you so much in your life! And they have so much love to share with you. So much love!

We have so many people that love us. We might not have a family. In the traditional sense. But we have people that love us. We've made our own family. And we're going to be your family. The people you can depend on. We're going to love and protect you, for the rest of our lives!

You might not have a Daddy. In the traditional sense. But you have men that are going to help fill that void. Uncle S, he's the guy that I want you to love like a Daddy. He already loves you. He thinks of you as his daughter. He wants to protect you. Love you. And provide for you. In his eyes, the sun rises because of you. I'd have to agree.

My bestie and I, we've been through a lot in our 27 years. Lots of things. But we've always been there for each other. Always! I hope and pray that you have a friend just like her. Someone that you can always depend on. To be honest, I also pray that your Nana and Nono will one day get married. They're perfect for each other. And they have so much love to give each other. Maybe you can help me with that. We can come up with some sort of plan to "Seal the Deal." And maybe they'll have you a little playmate soon! :)

For the last 9 months, we've grown together. You've grown big and strong. And I've tried to grow as a person. And as a Mommy. I've taken all the classes. I've prepared for you. And I've loved you. Now Charlotte Madeleine Grace, I'm ready to meet you. So if 10/10/10 is meant to be your birthday, I'm ready for the ride. I'm ready to celebrate this day with you.

This is a special day. The date is special all on it's own. It's also your Nono's birthday. He'd be so excited to share his day with you! And my dear baby girl, it's special because it's the day we get to meet! I just know it. I know that by tonight, I will get to hold you for the very 1st time.

I just pray that your Uncle S will get back in time. He's trying his best. I pray that your Nana helps your Nono celebrate his big day. And I pray for a safe and healthy birth for you. I want my little girl to be healthy. And safe. And happy. Most of all, happy. That's important in life.

W and me are ready to meet you! We've spent months getting ready for this day. Preparing our home for you. Getting your nursery ready. We're ready to welcome you into our home, our lives, and our family. Most of all Charlotte, I'm ready to be your Mommy. I already love you so much. And I'm going to do all that I can to protect you. For your entire life. Baby girl, I'm ready to be your Mommy. Now all you have to do is come into our world. I love you baby girl! And I'm ready when you are!

Love,
Your Mommy

GumDrop Pacifiers

I'm so excited! I got a big package today. When I got home from work, today was my last day by the way, I found a HUGE box on my front porch. :) And there was also another box there. Hmm, I didn't know what it could be.

Then I remembered, I had ordered from GumDrop Pacifiers. I first learned about them from my bestie. She works in L&D, the NICU, PICU, and Pediatric Departments of a hospital. So whatever advice she has for me, I take it!

My Bestie was telling me how they give these little packets of GumDrop Pacifiers to Breastfeeding Moms. Perfect! They're designed to not "confuse" babies. Because of the shape of the nipples.



My bestie gave me 3 of these "Basic Baby Bundles." Each pack has 2 GumDrop pacifiers, 1 Cuddle Square, and 1 MAM Pacifier Keeper. These are a great deal at only $10!



I originally put in the order for some GumDrop Pacifiers. They're having a deal right now. Buy 6 and get 1 free. Oh, and it comes out to $10.50. Much cheaper than the regular pacifiers I see at the store. There are 4 colors, and 2 scents.



I also ordered 6 "Cheaper Keepers." And I got 2 free. They're having a buy 3, get 1 free deal going on right now. For under $7 you get 4 "Cheaper Keepers." And they come with all sorts of stickers to use too!



These are Cuddle Squares. I had 3 from my bestie. But I liked these polka dot ones. So I got a couple more. For $6 a piece! A steal. Because each one comes with a pacifier! :)



The Soothie Nipples are supposed to be designed exactly like the pacifiers. So I had to get some. :) For when I go back to work, and Charlotte is at Daycare. They're 2 for $4.50.



And of course, I needed the Soothie Bottles to go with the nipples. For when Charlotte is at Daycare. They come in 2 packs for $4. In either 5oz or 9oz sizes. I got a few packs of both.



I also bought this blanket. It's Winnie the Pooh. And it's supposed to be a soother. It also has rattles. And was only $10. It's super soft!

The small box, it was my order. The one I put in last week. The large box, well S put in a rush order on Monday. And both orders happened to be delivered today. Charlotte got 8 Canisters of GumDrops. Yes, I said 8 Canisters. Each Canister has 25 pacifiers! What are we going to do with them all? S also got Charlotte a variety of things from GumDrop's website. I'm positive that my little girl will have everything she needs when she's born. H

I Think She's Waiting

Yes, I think Charlotte is waiting. On purpose. You know, for next week. When S and Mr. Blue Eyes are in town for work. When my bestie is here to perform. I think Charlotte knows that they're all coming. And she doesn't want to come until everyone is here. To be here when she is born.

To be honest, I'd be comfortable with that too! I'd love to have S in the delivery room with me. Because he's been my main coach. S has gone with me to all of my classes. He's been amazing. I know he would be a great coach. But he's working. He has a job that he can't get away from. But next week, he'd be here. In town.

And I would really LOVE to have my bestie with me. She works in L&D. And has delivered babies. I'd love for her to be here with me. To help me with my labor and delivery. To be a coach. And to give me advice during my labor. Wouldn't it be neat to have Charlotte's Godparents here for her birth? To have them hear her 1st cries. And to see her during her first few moments of life.

Is that selfish of me? To want my friends here. I have no family here. I have a few casual friends here. But no one that I'm close to. I don't want to be alone on this important day. I want for my little girl to come into the world, surrounded by all the people that love her. The people that she's going to grow to love too. Maybe we're both just waiting until next week. H

Week 40: Waiting

Dear Honeybee,

Today is our due date. And I'm so excited to meet you! Every week I get to see you, and hear your heartbeat. And every week, I leave our doctor's appointment more anxious to meet you! But neither of us seem to be ready today. Our bodies just need some more time to get ready. We're no closer to labor and delivery than we were last week. And I learned today, we could be pregnant for another 2 weeks! Yes, another 2 weeks. I'm not sure I can wait that long to meet you.

It's been an emotional week. A week that I wish you didn't have to deal with. I'm trying to protect from all of this bad stuff. All of the things that your Daddy puts us through. But this week, we had to deal with it. And it saddens me. I hope we can get it all straightened out. I want to do that before you come.

It's tough. Because your Daddy wasn't always like this. He was so kind, gentle, and loving to me. That's why I married him. We dreamt of the day when we'd have a family together. And here we are. Getting ready to Welcome you into the world. And we can't get along.

But these are all "Grown Up" problems. And you don't have to worry about them. You just have to worry about staying healthy and happy. I will do everything else I can, to protect you. Your Uncle S and Nono are here to protect you too. They will try and fill this void, that you're going to have, in your life. And I hope they can. Because I don't want you to miss out on anything during your lifetime.

Your Nana is pretty amazing too! I know that she loves us so much! She carves out time to listen to your Mommy. And she keeps sending us both gifts! I wish that she lived closer to us. I wish that she'd let your Nono love her. Because she is an amazing woman. Someone that has so much love to give. But soon, you will learn all of this.

I picked her to be your Godmother because she's strong and independent. My bestie is so smart! Andis just an amazing woman. Everything that I wish I was. And I want you to learn how to be a strong woman. Someone who has strong morals, values, and beliefs. I want you to learn all of this from your Nana. She's an amazing woman.

As hard as we've had it, you and me, we have a bunch of amazing friends. Friends that are more like our family. And they love us. And pick up the slack for the people who are not here with us. The ones that are supposed to love us.

Soon enough, you'll get to meet everyone. And you're going to love them, just as much as they love you little Miss Charlotte. They love you so much! And we're all waiting on you. Waiting so patiently for you to come into the world. So that we can hold you and love you. Everyone keeps calling for updates. Uncle S spent so much time with us this week. We're just excited to meet you!

W and I are ready. We're ready to bring you home. To love you. To be a family together. And this week, I've learned that I have to wait. Because I can't make things happen, just because I want them to happen. Life comes when it comes. And we have to learn how to be patient. Charlotte your Mommy is being patient. And waiting for you to get big, healthy, and strong enough to be born! Love you lots little girl!

Love,
Your Mommy

I Got Them!

I had these 3 items on my "Wishlist" for what seems like forever. I just love them! If I had thought about it, Charlotte's nursery would have been done in this fabric. But look at how cute everything is!

I really wanted a Diapee. I just think they're a good product. Something that can get a lot of use. :)

And this entire set. It just makes me so happy! A Wipee case, some burp clothes, and a changing pad. All so chic!

This is definitely a must have for a breastfeeding Mommy!

Well, part of our gifts from my bestie, they included all 3 of these items. But she made them. All out of hot pink and the black and white damask fabric. So incredibly cute! And I think they'll really go well with my diaper bag. Thank you so much bestie! The ones that my bestie made, are even cuter than these ones! Is that possible? Yes, it is! H

Life Unexpected

This is one of my favorite shows. I know. I probably sound like I'm 13 year old or something. But I just like it. Something about it makes me smile. And I have my bestie to thank for it. She talked and talked about it. Until I finally caved in and watched all of Season 1. :)

Tonight, it came back! I was so happy. OK, so next week might get complicated. You know with Glee returning on Tuesdays too! But this week's episode was so good! You know, after Cate and Ryan got married. I was bummed about that. I really like Baze. But the new Eric character, I'm liking him. I think he could spice up the show. In a good way.

This is what my pregnant self does. Gets really into TV shows. Like if these people are my "real life friends." You know, since my "real life friends" all live so far away. But it's OK. I need a little down time. And time to just enjoy life for a while. I hear, newborns are quite a handful. So until Charlotte gets here, I'm going to enjoy my favorite shows, a bowl of fruit, and just relaxing. H

Gifts for Me!

My bestie is amazing! Not only did she shower Charlotte with a ton of presents this weekend, she managed to throw us 2 Baby Showers. Yes, 2! We got some many amazing presents. All handmade, from my bestie. Charlotte's Nana (Godmother.)

But my bestie is so completely amazing! She also gave me some presents. Like this beautiful crochet shawl, that she made me. It's a beautiful mix of blues. My favorite color. And it's so incredibly soft! I already snuggled up in it last night. :)

My bestie also gave me this gift set. Lush's "The Art of Bathing." There are 11 different "Bath Bombs" and "Bubble Bars." They all smell amazing! And after a weekend jam packed with fun and adventure, I was so looking forward to an amazing bath last night. That's exactly what I got!

Thank you Bestie! You are amazing. If I haven't told you enough, we love you! And you are incredible. Thank you for traveling across the country, to see me all fat and pregnant. For being so excited at Charlotte's appointment on Friday. And for being an amazing friend. I had so much fun this weekend. And I'm already counting the days for you to return in October!

My best friend is leaving later today. And that makes me so sad. But we had such a great time. I need to find my camera so I can blog about our Baby Showers. We got so much stuff! And all the stuff that my bestie and her parents sent, is so amazing! Everything is so beautiful! And I can't wait for Charlotte to start using it all. :) H

Sweet Baby Things

I've been watching Shandell's videos for a while now. She is a mommy, expecting baby #2. A girl! She already has an adorable baby boy, Noah. I like her mommy channel and her makeup channel. :)



But it was this video that just made me stop tonight. I'm so excited! In 2 short days, it's our Baby Shower!!! I can't wait. Mostly because I get to see my bestie. But also, because I get to see so many friends. So many people that love my baby girl! And I finally get to see all these amazing things that my bestie has been making. I know she's been busy. Because she's hinted around a little.

I can't wait to see the cute things my little girl gets. Just over 3 weeks until my due date. I'm so excited! I can barely control myself! I honestly can't wait to meet my little girl. To hold her. Love her. And give her so many kisses! H

Polyvore

I joined Polyvore recently. It's kinda fun just to play around on there. It's like adult paper dolls. No lie! I can see myself killing some major time playing. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. But it does make me want to go shopping a lot more...

What do you think? Anyway, you can find me here. I was just looking for something fun. I'm trying to get more into fashion and all that fun stuff. I really like seeing my bestie. Because she has so much style. Maybe this will help me. :)

Wow!!!

Do you remember when I was debating about what bedding to buy Charlotte? Well, I picked the Butterfly Kisses. I really liked how it wasn't too "baby-ish," and could grow with Charlotte. Similar to the furniture.

But S had a different idea. He came over tonight. HUGE boxes with him. Loaded with the Zola Collection. :) Yes, Charlotte now has 2 sets of bedding. With all the accessories!!! So here is what Charlotte got from her Uncle S.

Here is the Zola Collection. I actually bought a rug similar to that one last week. :)

A cute tiger!

A little elephant.

And this cute giraffe!

This adorable mobile. Don't you just love the little animals?

And S bought us 2 lamps. So cute!

He also got us 3 of these adorable elephants to hang on the wall. :)

Charlotte got 3 of these little blankets. Isn't this tiger so cute?

And 6, of these tin containers. They match the pails that I bought.

We got 4 curtains. Again, I have the long sheers to match.

And 6, yes 6, sheets! I LOVE the little animals. :)

A diaper holder. That monkey is just too cute!

We got 3 rugs too! Aren't they cute?

And this adorable Monkey Nap Mat. I'll probably just save it for Charlotte to use for school.

Can you tell that Charlotte is already spoiled? Spoiled rotten! S is so incredibly kind to us. We're very, very lucky! He's also hired painters, to come paint the nursery next week. When I'm gone. And my bestie will be here to help me start putting Charlotte's nursery together.

I'm glad that the 2 bedding sets are similar in color. I think everything is going to go well. I had already bought some lamps. And a big rug. It matches both bedding sets. And I'm really excited! I really can't wait for my bestie to come. Because she is really good at decorating rooms. I just can't wait to see the nursery complete! H

Ups and Downs

The last few days have been really exciting! My job, well it's very exciting. I can't really give you many details about it. But it's something a lot of people wish they could do. I'm very lucky!

My boss (aka Mr. Blue Eyes), he's in love with my bestie. I secretly think, she's in love with him too! What's a mere 1735 miles across the country? These 2 talk on the phone nearly every night. I just wish that my bestie would just love him. They need each other. A lot more than they know it.

Well, Saturady I was working. And all my boss could do, was think about my bestie. We called her real quick. And that lit a spark under him. I could just imagine what would happen if they were to date. But he ended up having a nice day at work. And I'm super glad about that!

Then, our boss took us to the Super Bowl! There was a group of us. I secretly wish that my bestie had come too. She would have enjoyed it. But she was working. Lots of our friends came though. It was an experience like none other! I really did have a nice time.

But in the middle of all of this, I was fighting back all the hurt and pain. T and I are still not talking. I'm not sure what his resentment is all about. But I try. I've asked him to come to counseling with me. I'm ready to either move forward together, or simply put all of this behind us. He just doesn't want to deal with it.

Then we go and do stupid things. Why do I let this happen? I went to talk to him about the baby. And the divorce papers. But that's not what ended up happening. Sometimes, I could just kick myself for loving him so much! H