Monday, October 4, 2010

Pregnancy and Sex

Today I had my 1st official "Post-term, non-stress test." We're not any closer to delivery than I was last week. Or a month ago for that matter. But Charlottte and I are doing really well. We're both perfectly healthy and on track. But I'm 3 days past my due date. Which isn't a lot. At least that is what my doctor told me. And I have 11 more days until I can be induced...

So both my midwife and my doctor gave me a long list of suggestions. Most of which, I've already been doing. You know, spicy food, long walks, teas, different herbs, etc. I've been trying them all. Nothing is working. My contractions aren't anywhere near regular and constant. I actually had more contractions last week.

The only thing on these lists that I haven't tried is sex. And both of these women keep encouraging it. I do believe that my doctor told me that if she could prescribe it, she would. And my midwife told me to "go have some fun."

The problem is, there is no one in my life. Not in that kind of romantic sense. I'm in the middle of a divorce. My hubby, he can't stand me. He doesn't want our daughter. S, well he's my friend. Would he do it if I asked? I'm positive that he would. Being that he always wants to help me. And he likes to take care of Charlotte and me. Oh, and he wants us to date. But I'm not going there. I can't screw up another friendship. Not right now.

And I'm not comfortable with myself. Not with my body. I'm big. I haven't seen my feet in, I don't know how long. My breasts are 3 sizes larger than normal. I lose my breath walking to my car. And my medical professionals want me to have sex. Don't they understand that the night I got pregnant, that was the last time. I was with my hubby.

Now I'm alone. To deal with all of this. Being overdue and uncomfortable. Being somewhat frustrated with my body. I'm not scared of raising my daughter alone. I'm scared that I'm never going to go into labor. And the only thing that people tell me to do, I can't do. Because seriously, who would have sex with me? I'm 9 months pregnant. And not feeling a bit attractive. I'm hoping that the 5 mile walk, that S and I took tonight, I hope that helps. If not, I might be pregnant for another 9 months! H

No comments: