Saturday, February 27, 2010

Happy Anniversary T

Today is our 1st Anniversary. It started out with a fight between us. Not the way I was looking at starting my day. It was a horrible fight. I was just trying to leave for work when I passed him in the hallway. And his yelling began. It ended with some of the guys he works with shoving him into a room. And me crying as I made my way to the elevator. I felt completely empty inside. And this day is ending with me, waiting for my flight home...

It's almost been a year since my husband and I got married. And we're both back to the original crime scene. :(

We've been separated since June. And well, life has taken an awful turn. But I have to face it. I have to face life.

We lost a baby in June. A baby that we hadn't planned. A baby I only knew about for a few short days. That's when our downward spiral began...

We lived in separate house for almost 3 months. Then I moved and started working again. I needed something to do. My life was empty. And I was miserable.

T and I tried. We'd sneak of to a date here and there. While we were working in the Fall, we'd share a room on some trips. We'd watch movies and laugh like we used to. But it was always for small bits of time.

And this weekend...we're both working here...

I knew marriage wouldn't be easy. But this is ridiculous! He makes me so mad!!!

I really can't believe it's almost been a year. It's seems both longer and shorter. Just give me some patients to deal.

Today is a sad reminder of what my life should have been. Tomorrow is our actual anniversary. But I got married on a Saturday. So today really feels like the day that should mark our wedding date.

Very similar to today in a lot of ways. But today, I found myself sitting in a hotel room. Watching the rain fall. Unsure of my next move.

I felt very alone and sad. Not like a year ago. When my bestie was here with me. Helping me get ready to walk down the aisle. Me joking with her that we could turn this into a double wedding. She just laughed me off!

I shouldn't let it get to me. But it's just a sad place I'm in today. I'm only HERE because I have to work. So I decided to leave early. To leave with the 1st team. Tomorrow, T will head home with the 2nd team.

I really wish I was at home. Curled up in bed.

Happy Anniversary to me and my Mr. We're still not talking. We did manage to get into a fight this morning. And he still doesn't believe that our baby is his.

He's the one that cheated. I didn't. I wanted to make this marriage work. I didn't want to admit that it was over.

That stress added to my "situation" right's not good. But I had to work today. And I had to see him.

Now I sit and wait for a plane ride home. I just don't want to be around anyone else. I want to be alone in my home. H

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